Health Anxiety: How to Actually Support Someone Who’s Struggling

When someone you care about gets caught in the grip of health anxiety, every cough or headache turns into a worst-case scenario in their mind. This isn’t dramatic—they honestly believe something is terribly wrong, and reassurance never quite sticks. It’s exhausting to watch them ride this hamster wheel of worry, and you might feel completely unsure what to do or say.

Spoiler: telling them "You’re fine, stop worrying" doesn’t help. In fact, it can make things worse, because it feels invalidating. The real support begins with understanding what they’re up against—health anxiety isn’t just being a little extra worried. It’s chronic fear that takes over their life, even when logic says everything’s okay.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck between trying to comfort your loved one and feeling totally helpless, you’re not alone. There are real ways to be supportive that don’t feed the anxiety or drain your own energy. Let’s get into what actually works when someone you care about can’t stop worrying about their health.

• Understanding What Health Anxiety Really Is
• Spotting the Signs: What Health Anxiety Looks Like
• What to Say (and Not Say) When They’re Spiraling
• Simple Ways to Be Supportive Without Enabling
• Taking Care of Yourself While Helping Someone Else

Understanding What Health Anxiety Really Is

If you hear the term “health anxiety” and imagine someone who just frets about getting sick, it’s way deeper than that. Health anxiety (sometimes called hypochondria) is actually a recognized mental health issue. The worry isn’t mild and fleeting—it hangs around, making normal life feel impossible.

People with health anxiety aren’t being dramatic. Their brains keep sending danger signals, even when medical tests say they’re perfectly fine. They check their bodies all the time for strange sensations, google symptoms obsessively, or bounce between doctors looking for reassurance. Sound familiar?

This isn’t just a rare phenomenon. In fact, research from the Journal of Anxiety Disorders in 2022 found that health anxiety can affect roughly 4-5% of people at some point in their lives. For comparison, that’s about as common as obsessive-compulsive disorder.

You’ll see health anxiety show up in a few classic ways:

• Endless worry over common aches, headaches, or spots, believing every sign points to a serious illness.
• Frequent online searches for health information (Dr. Google is not their friend).
• Constantly asking loved ones or doctors for reassurance that nothing’s wrong.
• Avoiding certain places, foods, or activities for fear it’ll make them sick.

If your friend says, “What if this chest pain is actually a heart attack?” for the tenth time this month, that’s not attention-seeking. It’s their mind playing tricks, and it’s tough to snap out of it without help. Understanding this helps you show up for them in a way that actually makes a difference.

Spotting the Signs: What Health Anxiety Looks Like

You won’t always spot health anxiety right away. Some people hide their worries, while others talk about them constantly. Either way, the patterns show up if you know what to look for.

Most people with health anxiety aren’t pretending or being dramatic. Their stress is very real—even if there’s no clear reason. Maybe your loved one visits the doctor over and over for the same small symptoms or spends hours googling scary diseases because of a weird ache. The worry is relentless.

Here are some dead giveaways someone is struggling with health anxiety:

• They constantly check themselves for signs of illness, like lumps or rashes, and ask for your opinion (“Does this look normal to you?”) multiple times a week.
• Even after tests come back normal, they still aren’t convinced. They may ask for the same tests again or see different doctors.
• They search the internet for symptoms almost daily—which only raises their anxiety.
• Conversations keep circling back to their health. Sometimes it’s a new worry every week.
• They avoid things like exercise, foods, or places they think could somehow “trigger” a problem.

This worry can take over everyday life. People might skip work, cancel plans, or not leave the house because they’re sure something is wrong with their health—even if evidence says otherwise.

Here’s some real data to put things in perspective. Studies show that about 4-6% of people deal with health anxiety at levels that mess with their day-to-day living. And doctors report that up to a fifth of their appointments have nothing to do with real physical illness, but instead, these are people seeking reassurance for health fears.

If you recognize these patterns in your loved one, it’s not your imagination. Health anxiety is real and it’s exhausting for everyone involved. Spotting it early means you can start to help before things get too overwhelming.

What to Say (and Not Say) When They’re Spiraling

When your loved one’s health anxiety flares up, knowing what to say can feel like walking a tightrope. The right words can help them feel seen and supported, while the wrong words can leave them feeling more alone. Let’s break it down into what actually lands and what usually backfires.

First, remember that health anxiety is about the fear of having a serious illness, even when there’s no medical proof. Telling someone with health anxiety to “just calm down” is like telling someone with a migraine to walk it off. In one large study, 70% of people reported that dismissive comments made their anxiety even worse. You want to help, not unintentionally ramp things up.

• What to say:
  • "I can see you’re really scared right now. Want to talk about what’s going through your head?"
  • "It sounds tough—not knowing for sure what’s happening must be exhausting."
  • "I’m here if you want to sit together or need a distraction for a bit."
  • "Would it help to do something together right now to take your mind off it?"
  • "Do you want help looking for reliable info, or would you rather not check right now?"

• What not to say:
  • "You’re being dramatic."
  • "You always worry about nothing."
  • "Stop Googling everything."
  • "If the doctor says you’re fine, you should believe them."
  • "Can’t you just relax?"

Giving reassurance (like, “You’re probably okay—it’s nothing”) feels nice in the moment, but it actually feeds the anxiety long-term. If you always rush in to soothe, your loved one may start relying on you (and constant reassurance) rather than learning to manage the panic on their own. Experts suggest shifting to supportive presence instead of fixing.

Here’s how people with health anxiety say they feel during a spiral, versus how friends and family often respond, according to a 2023 survey from Anxiety UK:

If you’re really stuck, lean on this golden rule: focus on listening, not fixing. Sometimes a few honest words like, “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here with you,” go much further than all the medical logic in the world.

Simple Ways to Be Supportive Without Enabling

Supporting a loved one with health anxiety is like walking a tightrope. You want to help without accidentally fueling their fears or turning yourself into their personal doctor on call. The trick is to show empathy, but also set clear and healthy boundaries.

Start with consistency. Reassure them, but don’t get trapped in endless health checks or "just to be sure" trips to urgent care. Studies show that repeated reassurance actually makes health anxiety stick around longer. The person feels better for a moment, but the cycle of worrying, checking, and seeking soothing keeps spinning.

• Listen, don’t lecture: Just being present and letting your loved one talk, without trying to fix everything, is more helpful than you think. Sometimes all they need is to be heard, not convinced.
• Set limits on repeat questions: If your loved one asks for reassurance over and over, it’s okay to say something like, “We’ve talked about this already, and I trust what the doctor said.” It feels awkward at first, but this is key for both of you.
• Encourage healthier coping moves: Instead of googling symptoms together, suggest distractions—a walk, a movie, or doing something with their hands, like cooking or gardening. Even a small change in routine makes a real difference.
• Be clear about your own boundaries: If certain requests (like checking moles or reading long medical threads) are stressing you out, say so kindly and directly. You’re not abandoning them; you’re showing up honestly.

If you’re not sure when you’re helping or enabling, the difference is basically this: support helps them tolerate uncertainty. Enabling makes their anxiety call the shots and keeps the rituals going.

One surprising fact: around two-thirds of people with health anxiety will improve if they stick with exposure-related therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. So gently nudging them toward professional support (without pushing too hard) is honestly one of the best gifts you can give.

Remember, you don’t have to say the "perfect" thing every time. Just showing up with compassion and sticking to reasonable boundaries goes a long way. Your goal isn’t to cure them—just to be there, in a way that helps both of you.

Taking Care of Yourself While Helping Someone Else

Supporting someone with health anxiety can take a toll if you don’t watch out for your own well-being. It’s pretty common for loved ones to feel burnt out, overwhelmed, or even guilty for needing a break. But here’s the thing: you can’t help anyone if you’re running on empty.

Experts at places like the Anxiety and Depression Association of America say boundaries are your best friend. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about protecting your own mental space. If your loved one is looping through the same worries, it’s okay to gently redirect them or let them know when you need a little time for yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s self-preservation.

Here are a few solid, practical ways to keep yourself in check while supporting someone else:

• Set expectations. If you’re not on call for every health complaint or crisis, say so. It’s fine to remind your loved one you may not answer right away or that you can talk when you’re not at work.
• Stick to routines you enjoy. Don’t let their anxiety become your new normal. Carve out time for activities that make you feel good—like walking the dog, calling a friend, or reading a book.
• Learn to say no. There’s nothing wrong with telling someone you need a break from talking about symptoms or worries. You can say it with kindness, like: “Let’s take a break from health talk for today.”
• Watch your own triggers. Supporting someone with health anxiety can ramp up your own stress levels or make you start worrying too. Notice if you’re getting anxious and do something about it, like taking a walk or chatting with someone outside the situation.
• Get backup. You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to a therapist if you need to sort out your own feelings, or reach out to family and friends for support. There are even online groups specifically for friends and relatives of people with anxiety.

One study from 2023 showed caregivers who set boundaries and practiced self-care experienced less burnout and were better able to support their loved one in the long run. So it’s proven: looking out for yourself isn’t just good for you—it actually helps the person you care about, too.

If you ever feel guilty about focusing on your own needs, remember this—modeling healthy coping skills can show your loved one what balance looks like. And that’s one of the best kinds of support you can give.